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To Dear Little Baby, My beloved child, We Love You Forever.
My Baby is a little fluffy white dog. People often asked me what kind of dog is that, I never can answer. Baby is a mixed breed I guess, in China, we called him the little lion dog. He is so smart, so sweet, so sensitive, so handsome and so much desire for anything.
We first saw Baby when my husband and I lived in Beijing. Baby was only about 2 months old, very active, have a pair of big, sparkling dark, expressive eyes. We immediately decided to bring him home. This is the first dog we ever had; we had become Mommy and Daddy since then. For the following 8 years, Baby brought so much love and good times to us, because of Baby I never really felt lonely all these years even though Daddy had to leave home for a lot of business trips.
Baby immigrated into the US with us in May of 1995. Baby was the first and the only child in our home and enjoyed our undivided attention for all these 8 years. Baby has a very unique personality all his own. He is very unfriendly and unapproachable to strangers. But he love each our family members and our friends that he knew. He is very sensitive, so perceptive and the only thing he wanted most all in his life is to be with us. He never thought he was a little dog, I guess he thought he is the same as us, so he often begged me for taking him wherever I go. I almost took him everywhere with me. Go hiking, beach, eating in restaurant where there are outside tables, friend’s party… But if I told him I am going to go work, I noticed Baby’s eyes filled with sadness and then left me to go to his bed. Everyday, no matter how hard my day was, I could always look forward to see Baby. On my way to drive back home, whenever I thought I was going to see Baby, the smile crossed my face. Whenever I got back home, even before I open the door, I could hear Baby's screaming, when I saw him I always hold him and Baby was extremely happy and also with some complaining (why did you come home so late today?). Inside the house, no matter where I were, Baby was right beside me. When I cried, Baby was always there and licked my tears, very seriously looked at my face. Baby would never go to sleep unless he was sure both my husband and I got back home safely. We slept together with Baby every night. The favorite toy for Baby is tennis ball, tennis ball, and tennis ball. I remembered how happy we were when I played that ball with Baby.
Dear Baby, my precious little boy, because of you, Leon and I know what it means to be the parents. We called you in many ways: Baby, Bao Bao, Dou Dou, Chou Chou, and little cutie, sweaty… Baby, where are you? You left us so fast that I still could not believe you are gone.
Last Tuesday evening (2/13/01), Baby tried to jump to the bed and did not get successful. And then we found one of his hind legs could not move. We rushed him into an emergency clinic and there the doctor checked his blood and everything and told us everything for Baby was fine (including WBC, kidney (BUN), K, Na…). Then they took an X-ray film and found that the space between T11-T12 segments became narrow. The doctor said the disc between T11-T12 probably slides into spinal cord and the pressure on part of the spinal cord in that place may cause Baby's rear leg paralyzed. The thing stroked so quickly, we decided to take Baby to a full-facility animal hospital as soon as possible. (The doctor in Emergency told us, if treated by a surgery, Baby should have 80% chance to completely recover to walk again, if not treated, just take some medicine, Baby still has 20% chance to recover.) So the following Morning (2/14/01), we took Baby to an animal hospital the emergency referred. There the doctor said the same diagnosis, and suggested that Baby should take the surgery as soon as possible. That Vet seemed to be pretty caring for Baby and knowledgeable. He also checked Baby's eyes (to try t o find if there is any CNS signs), reflex, and sensation of the paralyzed leg and found that leg still had very good sensation and nothing wrong in Baby's eyes. So we left Baby there. The second day (2/15/01) the doctor called me and told me that he just did the myelogram and the surgery to remove the disk that get into the spinal cord, Baby was fine. And the next day (2/16/01) at about 7:30AM, a nurse called me and said that Baby was fine and ready to eat and to do the physical therapy. I was a little bit surprised about how can Baby go through the physical therapy in just 24 hour after that big surgery. Then at about 8:00-9:00 AM they called us again and said Baby suddenly died. I was shocked and stroked so much that I could not bear to see Baby's dead body. We rushed into that clinic; there the Vet told me he did not know exactly why Baby died suddenly. He insisted on an autopsy to explore why Baby died. At that most painful moment, I did not have courage and strength to decide anything. So Baby was left there for autopsy. We still have not received any information about the autopsy result.
The day (2/14/01) when I took Baby there, Baby was fine, still moving around with the rest of his three legs, still want to eat (I gave him a treat) and drink, still worry about his Daddy when he saw his Daddy went to garage, and still bark loudly when he heard anything outside the house. In hospital he was very nervous and scared, and begged me not to leave him there. But I left him there. Now I was so regret to leave him there. I feel heartbroken whenever I thought during his most difficulty time I was not there for him. I know Baby hated to be left alone, especially in a place full of strangers; he must be so scared and so helpless and felt abandoned by us. The worst thing for me is I feel I took Baby to the dead place. I don't believe Baby died suddenly. He died with 24 hours after his surgery and I strongly suspect there is something going wrong during these two days. Baby either died due to the surgery complications or a drug overdose. His disease is not a deadly disease. I really don't believe he died due to his own problems (although that was the doctor tried to tell me). Now my husband and I could not eat, could not sleep, could not go to work. Whenever I thought Baby's last two days without my holding him, my heart is broken into pieces. Because I knew Baby was a very sensitive little dog, not is a very easy going on little boy. I can try to bear the loss of baby, but I cannot stand the pain and helpless that Baby went through during that two days.
We want to do something for Baby; otherwise we will never peacefully live. We feel there is a very big possibility that veterinary malpractice existed in this case. The dogs cannot speak for themselves.
Dear Baby, we miss you terribly, without you, our home would not be the same, I don't want to stay in home for more than a second. Your favorite tennis balls is still on that corner, your food and treat are still there. Mom just bought a lot of cookie for you last week, and this week you are already gone. I know you love to go out; you love the nature. Whenever we were in any natural place, you were just so happy, you jumped fast and chased that tennis ball. For this past several weekends, Mom planed to take you out, but I did not. Now I am so regret. I would like to do anything if I can get you back. I remember 10 years ago, I went through the tremendous pain for my ex-boyfriend leaving me for another woman. Now I would rather to take 1000 more times that pain if I could be together with you again. Staying in home without you around is so painful, meaningless and so empty.
May and Leon
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