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Today we had to put our beloved Muffin to sleep. She was 17 years old and
very much a part of our family. She and my youngest son grew up together.
We not only have baby pics of my son, but also baby pics of Muffin in our
This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. Muffin was blind and deaf but that didn't keep her down. The last couple of months she had really gone downhill.... the last week rather quickly. She was no longer able to get up without our assistance. She had, for the most part, "lost control" of her bodily functions over a year ago. Since she was in good health otherwise, we confined her to the kitchen. She never seemed to mind, as the kitchen seems to be the gathering spot for family and friends, so she was always included and delighted to receive all the hello's and good-byes.
Recently though... she was having more difficulty getting up. She wasn't able to stand any longer to eat her food, or walk over to get a drink of water. We would actually use a leash to hoist up her back end to take her to get a drink or to go outside. I would put her food bowl on the floor so she wouldn't have to stand to eat. She still liked to go outside and lay in the grass and would even bark at a walker by with a dog. Not that she could see them that well, but she knew! She even knew the sound of my car when I would come home from work. I'm going to really miss that welcome home that I got from Muffin.
I kept on asking God and the angels to come and take her so that I wouldn't have to make that horrible visit to the vet. But... as it sometimes happens things are left in our own hands.
She seemed fine for the "walk" out to the car... normally she doesn't care for car rides. I had her leash on her collar and her other leash supporting the back end of her. I put her in the car... she layed down on the floor and just put her head on that bump that's in the middle of the floor. When we got to the vet I took her out of the car and again "hoisted her up" as we called it... and took her inside. Normally she gets panicky at the vets... today she was calm as calm could be. She layed down on the floor, wasn't breathing heavy... wasn't panting... she just seemed at ease. The vet came in and explained to us what would happen with putting her down. Now they give a mega dose of anesthesia. He said she would fall asleep at first with the small dose of it... and then when he finished the syringe her heart would stop. I held her head in my hand.... she moved slightly when he inserted the needle, as they do with any kind of injection or blood test. He gave her a little of the medicine and she yawned. Her head became heavy in my hand... he gave her the rest of the medication. She was gone.
I feel that she went peacefully. And I know she's in a "better place" as they say... but the pain I'm feeling, the loss.... is incredible. Muffin was a very sweet, loving, gentle dog all her life. She gave our family so much joy, so much love. Even at times when in desperation we would get upset with her "accidents".... we still loved her and took care of her, figuring she didn't have much longer to be with us.
Like I said, I wish she could have gone peacefully on her own in her sleep... but I guess this had to be. We'll never forget you Muffin. We love you and we know some day we'll be tossing the ball to you again and you will steal Frisbies and make us chase you a ways before you give it up!! We'll miss you this Christmas, when you won't be there opening your own presents... and the cats too!! It was nice of you to help though.
Rest easy our sweet Muffin.... you deserve it. We'll miss you, we love you.
"Mom", Rob, Dean, Tami & the kids
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