Blackie

Her name was Blackie, AKA Mama Dog

She was my hero, my mentor, my mother, my friend..... she was everything I needed that noone else was willing to give. She gave me love, hope, strength and compassion, and occasionally as called for a bite in the...... she believed in me as noone else ever did, she treated me as though I were her very own kid.

An odd bond it was that the 2 of us formed. We were mother and child, not owner and dog. And what I saw in her eyes, it was always pure human. She gave me my values, my personal strength, she directed my path, and now she waits at those gates. She hugged me when I needed it, and kissed away my tears, my god she's now been gone for 2 1/2 years. And yet every day I miss her, there's this hollow, this ache, and the emptiness in my life, it's not something I seem to be able to shake.

We still fix her a plate on Thanksgiving, and hang her stocking with care, because in our hearts she will always be there. Her leash hangs where it always did, and her collar, well it sleeps with me, just as she always did. I still see her in all of her frequent basking spots, and I still talk to her when I won't get caught.

On the day she went, I looked in her eyes, and begged and cried and pleaded for her not to go. It's not time, I still need you, I can't do this alone. But in the end we decided, it was what had to be done, to end her suffering, her pain, it was best for her in the long run. And as my dad walked her out the door for the very last time, she stopped and turned and my life flashed before my eyes. She looked to me as if to say, don't worry, we'll both be okay. And in that moment she thanked me for all I had given, while I was certain I would not go on living.

But here I am to this very day, though my life without her is just not the same. Inside of me I know her memory lives on, with all that she taught me, I'll never go wrong.

So Mama, I love you and wait impatiently till that day we'll be together forever, you see. I just had to tell you, and let you know, that you live on in my heart, and you will forever, so now you know. And now maybe, just a little, I can let go.